


Kwamis Are Nice If Their Masters Are

by OwlsCantRead



Series: Kwamis Trolling Hawkmoth [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: All The Irony, Angst, Drama, Gen, Humor, Kwami Swap, Plagg Being Plagg, Plagg Is a Troll, Plagg is a Little Shit, Revenge, but he has a reason for it, yes angst too, yes he trolls hawkmoth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2019-11-14 11:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18051350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OwlsCantRead/pseuds/OwlsCantRead
Summary: One fateful day, Hawkmoth wins — an akuma succeeds in taking the Cat Miraculous from Chat Noir. One step closer to victory, his plan is simple: use the kwami within the ring to lure out Ladybug and finally seize both Miraculous. Simple, right?Unfortunately, said plan of his immediately goes awry — Nooroo forgot to warn his master about Plagg, the kwami of destruction.Hijinks promptly ensues.





	1. The Black Cat Miraculous

**Chapter 1: The Black Cat Miraculous**

Another day, another one of Hawkmoth's akumas. It was pretty much a standard routine by now. Both Ladybug and Chat Noir were used to it. Same old, same old.

Perhaps that complacency was why everything had gone oh-so-terribly wrong.

Hindsight was always 20/20. And in hindsight, Ladybug really wished she'd paid more attention to her partner during the battle. Still, she was forced to concede that it had been a barrage of absolutely horrendous bad luck that had somehow led to Chat Noir losing his Miraculous.

His Miraculous!

And as of right now, the ring was in Hawkmoth's possession… which was pretty much the absolute worst-case scenario. At the very least Chat's identity was still safe from her and the masses, but she couldn't even take solace in a silver lining like that when _Hawkmoth had Chat Noir's Miraculous_.

When she transformed back into Marinette, her mania reached an all-new level of hysteria which had historically only been saved for moments involving her crush with Adrien.

But before the raven-haired girl could launch herself into a frantic stupor, an amused giggle from her side caught her attention. Marinette had to vigorously blink her eyes in disbelief, unable to understand why _Tikki_ of all people had broken into a laughing fit. Her kwami—her pillar of support in times of crisis, her ever-serious counsellor and friend—was actually _laughing!_

"This isn't funny, Tikki!" Marinette suppressed the urge to scream, panic, run about her room in a frenzy, or hurl herself onto her bed and scream into her pillow as loudly as she possibly could.

Instead, she did none of those things. Facing her kwami, Marinette began to reflect on the severity of their current predicament. "This is really, _really_ bad!" Her frantic words spewed from her mouth like a verbal barrage. "Hawkmoth actually managed to take Chat Noir's Miraculous away from him! He can't transform himself into Chat Noir without it! What do I do!?"

"Oh, Marinette… I'm sorry," Tikki reassured her holder with a wave of her paw, "I should have considered that you would be worried about this. But really, there's no need to fret. Please calm down. Deep breaths, okay?" she advised.

Marinette obliged her kwami, although her breaths were so frantic that she began to hyperventilate. When she eventually cooled off, Tikki seized the opportunity to speak up.

"Remember when I told you that both the Ladybug and Cat Miraculous must always be activated at the same time in order to preserve the balance?" Tikki continued to chortle as she flitted over to the window, the kwami wistfully looking up to the night sky, the view complimented by the many lights littering the skyline of Paris. "There is a very good reason for that."

Marinette quirked her head in befuddlement at her words. Just what was Tikki driving at? How could her normally-sane kwami manage to find the slightest trace of humor or hilarity in this dire situation?

There was being optimistic, and there was being realistic. And realistically, Marinette knew that without her partner, Hawkmoth would have the upper hand and could easily have his akumas overwhelm her.

She needed to rectify this situation, and fast.

Noticing that Marinette was beginning to panic again, Tikki gently shushed her chosen. "Do you know what I'm talking about, Marinette? I mean, you've met him before, haven't you?" the kwami continued with a fond smile, her blue eyes focusing on the twinkling stars above. "That lazy cat?"

Marinette immediately scowled. "Chat Noir?" she muttered with disdain, her mind instantly recalling an oft-used cat pun from her carefree partner, causing her to inwardly groan.

Tikki giggled at Marinette's exasperated reaction, the kwami idly twitching her tail. "Nope," she refuted, "I'm not talking about Chat, Marinette."

Marinette's breath hitched as she finally brought herself to ask, "Who?" Her mind was buzzing with questions and anxious for answers.

"Hee, silly." Tikki paused, the kwami allowing a sly, almost melancholic, smirk to cross her face. "I'm referring to the kwami who's bound within Chat Noir's ring…"

 _The kwami that is bound within Chat's Miraculous?_ Marinette's eyes widened as a mental image of a small black cat entered her mind.

"That's right…" Tikki's somber face became one of unbridled glee as she grinned, realizing that her chosen had gotten the message from the shocked gasp that the kwami had heard from Marinette.

"…I'm talking about Plagg."

* * *

"At long last, it is _mine!_ Chat Noir's Miraculous — the Miraculous of the Black Cat!"

Deep within his lair, Hawkmoth gripped his fingers around the cold metallic object in his palm, peals of sinister laughter escaping his jaw. "Muhahahaha! Chat Noir's Miraculous is finally in my hands! After so many failures, victory is now within my grasp… I can almost taste it!" he smirked in triumph, licking his parched lips.

Hawkmoth raised his indigo cane up into the air, gleefully signaling for the shutters around the large window in his lair to swing shut. "Without her faithful partner by her side, Ladybug will be a cinch to eliminate, once and for all! And with her Miraculous in addition to Chat Noir's, I'll finally get the happy family that I rightfully deserve!"

It didn't even matter that Ladybug had managed to purify the akuma in the end. The akuma that he'd controlled this time, Particulate, had managed to succeed where so many others before him had failed.

He'd managed to retrieve a Miraculous.

And unlike with Dark Owl, this time Hawkmoth knew that the Miraculous he had with him was legitimate. He could almost feel the immense power in the tiny object flowing through him.

Grinning, he calmly grabbed the ring and slid it onto the ring finger of his right hand. Hawkmoth was immediately rewarded by seeing a glowing sphere of energy fly out of the ring. With a searing flash of green light, the sphere materialized into the form of a tiny floating black cat.

There it was. He remembered seeing it once before, when he'd akumatized Sandboy — Chat Noir's kwami. One half of the key he required in order to achieve his greatest desire.

And it was now in his possession.

"Greetings, Kwami of Destruction." The masked man spoke the title with mirth, projecting an aura of confidence that was further amplified by the numerous white butterflies flitting about the vicinity. _He_ was the one who was currently in control, and he was going to make damn well sure that the kwami knew it. "I am Hawkmoth," he introduced with a curtsy, sarcastically giving a small bow to the cat, "and _I_ am your new master now."

The cat merely glared at the gloating man with all the hatred he could muster up. Which, as the god of chaos and destruction, was quite a lot.

Hawkmoth remained unfazed, however. "As long as your Miraculous is in my possession, you can't do a thing to me," the villain taunted.

His smug words were rewarded by a snarl from the kwami. "Big deal. Sod off."

Hawkmoth hollered at the kwami's retort, his laugh a haunting voice that reverberated around the empty dome.

It actually thought it could defy him? That kwami was wrong… dead wrong. He knew how kwamis worked, and considered that he'd already broken Nooroo to his will… one additional kwami wouldn't be that much harder.

"Dark wings fall."

* * *

When he awoke, Plagg wasn't surprised to find himself in Hawkmoth's possession.

Gah… at times his chosen was really, really, _really_ stupid. This was one of those times. How had Adrien managed to lose his Miraculous _for real?!_

And to Hawkmoth, to boot!

Plagg's first thought was to use Cataclysm on the scumbag to get the whole thing over with and get back to Adrien. No one would complain if he put the prick who'd controlled Nooroo and terrorized Paris out of the way for good.

That idea was shot down quickly when he realized why he'd awakened. Plagg twitched his whiskers in irritation when he saw his Miraculous snugly fitted on Hawkmoth's right ring finger.

Whup. This was now officially worse than Adrien withholding Camembert from him.

"Greetings, Kwami of Destruction. I am Hawkmoth, and I am your new master now."

 _Ah, come on!_ Plagg scowled. Of course Hawkmoth was smart enough to immediately try to place him under his control. Hawkmoth had Nooroo with him, after all, and the scoundrel probably grilled his poor friend for all sorts of juicy tidbits and information.

Now that Hawkmoth was his "holder"—Plagg adamantly refused to acknowledge him as that—he couldn't Cataclysm the cocky villain. A darn shame.

Still, he wasn't going to go down without a fight. "Big deal," Plagg said with a disinterested voice, bluntly making his opinion of the man known, "Sod off," he proceeded to add for emphasis, his green eyes flashing maliciously as he made eye contact with Hawkmoth.

Hawkmoth then cackled, evidently finding his defiance amusing. When he dropped the laugh however, no amount of preparation could prepare Plagg for what he saw next.

"Dark wings fall."

 _What the… he's transforming back in my presence?_ But before Plagg could even raise a paw, a flash of purple blinded the room as Hawkmoth reverted back into his civilian form.

And that was when all hell broke loose.

Plagg didn't expect to recognize the man outside the mask. A small estranged gasp escaped him, his jaw dropping before he could suppress his shock when he realized that he _did_.

But could one blame him for his reaction? There was a legitimate reason for the kwami's response to be so profound.

Hawkmoth—the vile villain who had been terrorizing all of Paris in search of him, Tikki, and their Miraculous—was none other than his chosen's very own neglective father.

 _Gabriel Agreste_.

Plagg would have made a Star Wars—he secretly enjoyed the film—joke here, but at the moment, he couldn't even bring himself to. He was berating himself for not seeing the signs earlier, for letting the situation in front of him play out to its terrifying conclusion.

So not happening. The scenario that was playing out now was somehow worse than him being coerced to go through a Camembert withdrawal. Because if Gabriel was Hawkmoth, that meant that he was actively trying to injure— _or worse!_ —Chat Noir, Adrien, _his very own son_.

 _Father of the year, ladies and gentlemen,_ Plagg thought. Finally finding it within himself to glare at the man, he began to see red. The kwami was practically seething with fury as he clenched his paws and viciously bared his fangs at the blond-haired man.

The man who meticulously controlled his chosen's life on a daily basis and the villain who sent out akumas to cause havoc (also on a daily basis)… were one and the same.

Oh, hell no.

The playing field had now changed, and most certainly not for the better.

Plagg firmly made up his mind. Before, he had wanted to screw with Hawkmoth until the man made a mistake, thereby allowing Plagg to escape and wind up back at Adrien's side. Plagg would then enjoy yet another delectable five-course meal of Camembert while he and Adrien bantered and rubbed Hawkmoth's near-victory in the villain's face, laughing off his chosen's temporary loss of the Miraculous and shrugging it off as yet another failed attempt by Hawkmoth before changing the subject to tease Adrien about his crush on Ladybug.

But now?

The floating Plagg hissed under his breath, his eyes shifting slightly to make eye contact with a trembling Nooroo, the purple butterfly kwami shuddering as he apprehensively hid behind Gabriel's right shoulder.

As the gears in Plagg's mischievous mind began concocting a diabolical plan to make his new master's life hell, the small cat decided that now, it was _personal_.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Hi! I'm back at it with my humorous 'kwamis torment Hawkmoth' crack nonsense.

After writing about Nooroo trolling Gabriel in ["Bring Me Their Miraculous!"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671457), I received a couple of comments saying that Plagg would approve of Nooroo's actions in that story… which instantly planted the idea of _Plagg_ being the one to troll Hawkmoth in my head.

Well, that idea now exists. I hope that you are all happy for the disaster that this shall become… a kwami swap of sorts—except not really—and with well, twice the hijinks and anarchy.

So yeah… Gabriel with Plagg. I'm still debating on whether to make this story humorous or serious — probably a mix of the two. Hope y'all stick around!


	2. Ground Rules

**Chapter 2: Ground Rules**

It was stupendous. It was unbelievable.

Yet it was reality.

Holy cheesecakes, Gabriel Agreste was flipping _Hawkmoth_!

Gabriel Agreste.

_Gabriel. Freaking. Agreste._

When Plagg's mind was able to register who Hawkmoth really was, he had to physically restrain himself from unleashing a Cataclysm that would destroy the man, his entire lair… and probably half of Paris as well. Still, the destructive kwami felt himself wanting to resist against the bonds which bound him to the Miraculous, almost letting his anger control his actions until common sense forced Plagg to calm down.

_No… the kid needs a father,_ Plagg had to tell himself, forcing himself to halt before his primal instincts got the better of him and he did something that he would regret. _Adrien will hate you forever if you Cataclysm his father. And if he does, who's gonna give you Camembert?_

That said, the very idea that the man controlling every facet of Adrien's life was the same one who sent out akumas on a daily basis, unintentional and irrevocably straining their relationship further as the man ignored his son by day, and indirectly injured him by night—

Okay, now this train of thought _seriously_ had to stop before he unconsciously used Cataclysm and utterly destroyed the entirety of Agreste Mansion. There would be no explaining his way out of that to Adrien.

" _Sup, Adrien! See, I know this looks bad, but I totally wrecked your house with Cataclysm because I just discovered that your father is secretly Hawkmoth in his spare time! What a coincidence, eh?"_

…yeah, that wouldn't work. Throwing in a _"can I have some Camembert?"_ at the end wouldn't even be able to lighten the mood.

Still, Plagg decided that Gabriel Agreste was a total prick who deserved to rot in the fires of melted processed cheese hell. He made that opinion blatantly known by narrowing his eyelids into silts, staring Gabriel Agreste straight in the face. The awkward silence that had descended upon the room was eventually broken by neither him nor Hawkmoth.

"Pl-Plagg? Is that r-really… you?"

Upon hearing that meek voice, Plagg softened his gaze and broke eye contact with Gabriel, the cat dipping his head ever so slightly. "Nooroo…" he murmured, acknowledging the other kwami who had poked his head out from behind Gabriel's shoulder.

"So, your name is Plagg? Quite an interesting moniker…"

Gabriel's condescending voice cut in like sweet nectar… if said nectar attracted wasps, that is. Pollen would've had a field day with this.

Plagg huffed and looked away in a haughty manner. He hadn't realized that Nooroo had given away his name until it was too late. But what triggered Plagg was that Gabriel had dared to use his name so… casually.

"I suppose that Plagg is a name for me," he replied, icy green eyes flickering towards the confident man. "Being referred to as the god of destruction doesn't really suit my style. Way too formal," he yawned, covering his mouth with a paw.

Gabriel chortled, fiddling with the ring on his right hand. Rather ironically, Plagg noted that he also had a separate band on his _left_ hand — that was his wedding ring. "Honestly, does it really matter? Just like my little Nooroo—" the purple kwami in question shuddered upon hearing the term of affection, "—you're simply a means to an end. I'm only keeping you around until I get the Ladybug Miraculous. And then, the ultimate power to grant any wish will be _mine_!"

"You're a despicable piece of shit, Mr. Agreste," Plagg spat with as much vitriol and hatred that he could muster in one singular breath — his opinion curt, impetuous, and to the point. There was no misunderstanding the viciousness in his spiteful voice.

Gabriel raised an inquisitive brow, an amused smile tugging on his lips as Nooroo fearfully stared on, watching the rising tension from the sidelines. "Oh?" Gabriel asked, locking eyes with the floating cat as he asked Plagg a question, "You know about me, perchance?" If he happened to be shaken by the fact that the kwami knew his full name, outwardly he appeared quite unperturbed by it.

"I know you more than you can possibly begin to imagine, you filthy human furball…" Plagg hissed under his breath, his words almost inaudible.

Gabriel smirked, taking the kwami's nondescript words as an insult, unaware that they were actually, quite ironically, the truth. But really, how was the bastard to know that the reason Plagg knew him was because he bore witness to the man standing his own son up multiple times in the past?

And because Gabriel didn't know, he didn't get the joke. "I'm honored. Already talking back to me with that fire in your eyes…" he noted, pushing his black-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose. "…I can see that you're a feisty one."

Plagg folded his arms, his defiance and refusal to defer to his new master now becoming ubiquitous. "No thanks for the compliment," he hissed.

The corners of Gabriel's lips tugged upwards. "Let's see how long that attitude of yours lasts before it fizzles out. Try as you might, but opting to be stubborn around me will not work. Just like with my little Nooroo, I have complete and absolute power over you…"

Gabriel's words had no effect on Plagg. In fact, they only served as a challenge to the cat, who was already deviously plotting on how to prove Gabriel wrong.

But once Gabriel realized that Plagg was not taking his threat seriously, he decided to make good on his words and show the stubborn feline who was boss.

"I order you not to leave my sight."

Gabriel smirked as the kwami scowled. "What'cha do that for!?" Plagg shrilled, practically shouting in his face. He clenched his paws while staring Gabriel dead in the eye.

"It's simply a precautionary measure," Gabriel calmly remarked, his subdued tone in sharp contrast to Plagg's. "I won't have a kwami blowing my cover… least of all Chat Noir's kwami."

Plagg seethed inwardly, his face turning sullen. Although it wasn't common, some of his previous holders had made the choice to restrict his movement and freedom, just like what Gabriel was doing to him now by issuing him a direct order. The obstinate Plagg had always rebelled if they did so, but this was the first time he actively wanted the spell taken off of him. "You're truly reprehensible, you know that?" Plagg remarked in a low tone. "Did you make Nooroo do the same thing?"

"Quite an astute observation, I must say." Though Gabriel was seemingly praising him, Plagg knew the man well enough to hear the sarcasm hidden within. In other words, the answer was a no-brainer… he had indeed tormented Nooroo with the same rule.

Carefree, outgoing Nooroo… it must have hurt him so much to be placed under such staunch rules and restrictions.

But what hurt Plagg more was the fact that Nooroo had been right under his nose this entire time. Heck, they'd both been living under the same roof all along. In fact, Plagg suspected that the only reason he'd completely missed Nooroo was because Gabriel actively abused his powers to keep Nooroo by his sides at all times.

Great kwamis above, given that Gabriel's orders meant that Nooroo had to be hiding within Gabriel's ivory white jacket at all times in a manner quite similar to how Plagg made Adrien's pocket his go-to hiding zone… it ironically meant that the two kwamis had to be less than six feet apart at times!

Geez! So close, and yet so far…

Plagg laid down in mid-air, leaning his head to the side and lazily slouching towards Gabriel. "Yeah, yeah, big deal," he tried to say in an impassive a manner as possible. "Monologue all you want, because Ladybug will save the day once more. Status quo is god, blah blah blah."

He then promptly curled in on himself, making sure to keep his body language closely guarded as he wasn't going to become an open book in front of Hawkmoth. Plagg certainly didn't want Gabriel to know just how unsettled he was feeling about the villain's secret identity.

However, Plagg's brief flash of unease did not go unnoticed by Gabriel. As he already had Nooroo in tow, Gabriel was confident that he would soon be able to break Chat Noir's kwami and completely bend the destructive cat to his will.

"Though Paris is under the impression that Chat Noir is nothing more than Ladybug's plucky comic relief, I alone know otherwise." Gabriel smirked at Plagg, fastening his necktie around his collar, making sure to hide the Butterfly Miraculous snugly within. "They are like yin and yang — two halves of a whole," he remarked, ironing out the creases in his red and white necktie with his hands. As long as you're in my hands, Ladybug will not be at her full potential, and then she and her Miraculous will soon fall prey to my akumas!"

Plagg frowned, letting out an exhausted sigh as he listened to Gabriel. Things were so much better when he had the impression that Adrien's father was just a stubborn reclusive mule.

With a snort, Gabriel gestured for Plagg to follow him as he began to walk to the middle of the observatory, his white shoes clacking against the floor as he strolled in a slow yet deliberate manner.

Being a cat, Plagg found himself intrigued as to why Gabriel was beginning to pace about, but he quickly got his answer when the man snapped his fingers and the portion of the floor that he was standing on gave way beneath him, revealing that he'd positioned himself atop a secret platform-like contraption.

Plagg instinctively darted after Gabriel — whether it was because of Gabriel's explicit orders that the kwami was not to be out of his sight, or it was because Plagg himself refused to let Gabriel out of _his_ sight, he didn't know.

All he knew is that Hawkmoth had a secret entrance to his lair hidden beneath the floor. How very cliché. Top class. Plagg almost wanted to toast to it, but alas, he did not have Brie or Camembert with him at the moment.

He had to phase through the floor around where the secret tunnel was located in order to catch up with Gabriel due to the fact that gears in the mechanism operating the circular hatch had forced the entrance closed the instant the platform descended with Gabriel. With a frenzied dive, Plagg flew into Gabriel's shoulder, accidentally slamming directly into Nooroo with his head. Shooting Nooroo an apologetic grin, the cat then used his enhanced vision to work out where he currently was.

The entrance/exit tunnel to Hawkmoth's lair was like no device that Plagg had ever seen before. It went down, then sideways, then back up again. Seriously, what sort of elevator outside of spy novels and children's books—he didn't read boring literature, but Tikki loved to read and tended to update him on their infrequent rendezvous together—went _sideways?_ He actually found himself impressed by whoever engineered the convoluted thing and miraculously managed to find some way to make it actually work.

The lighting in the tunnel shaft sucked, though. It was completely dim, and Plagg only realized why that was bad when he was forced to squint as a harsh light hit his eyes, unable to re-adjust from near blackness to a well-lit area when the circular elevator reached its destination.

When Plagg finally managed to blink the blurry tears out of his eyes, he was greeted by a familiar sight. "Welcome to my humble alcove," Gabriel grinned, extending a hand out to show off the area. Nooroo followed his master's lead, silently fluttering to the center of the room to cheerfully introduce Plagg to their surroundings.

A room with a checkerboard-tiled floor, a glass staircase that led to a large monitor screen, an outskirt decorated by porcelain mannequins dressed in multiple Gabriel Agreste original clothes, and multiple photo frames mounted on the walls.

Plagg gagged, shaking his head in disbelief.

The entrance to Hawkmoth's lair was in Mr. Agreste's personal studio room. Because of course it was. Because irony was playing intergalactic dodgeball hard here today.

"This place sucks, Mr. Agreste. Nothing here is edible," Plagg said bluntly, the cat continuing to call Gabriel by his last name. Calling him by his first name just felt wrong, he refused to defer to him by referring to him as 'master', and more than once he had to catch himself before the words 'your father' left his mouth. Now _that_ would be a fatal mistake.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "You're a spoiled kitty, aren't you? Well, too bad. I don't care how Chat Noir treats you. So long as you're in my household, you will follow _my_ rules."

"I'm not your kid. I don't have to follow nothing." _Not to mention that I help your actual son defy your rules_ , Plagg added in his mind. _And that I technically lived in your household with Adrien before this._

Gabriel raised two fingers in response. "Thanks for the reminder. It almost slipped my mind that there are people in this household who do not know the truth—" Plagg abruptly guffawed at that statement for some reason which escaped both Gabriel and Nooroo, "—so, rule number two," he barreled on, "You are not to reveal yourself to my son or anyone else who is not cleared by me."

He almost pouted this time. This would actually be a difficult one to work around. "What… again? Another dumb rule to follow? Really?" he whined.

Before Gabriel could elaborate, a rapping noise could be heard from the door.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes when he recognized it as a knock. "Nooroo, and… uh, Pl-agg, was it?" he rolled the kwami's name around his tongue before sticking to a pronunciation that worked. "Come to me," he instructed, tugging on his collar lapel and directing them to his inner breast pocket.

While Nooroo obliged his master's orders without question, Plagg folded his arms, a smug smile on his face.

Good things come to those who wait. And quite frankly, Plagg had waited long enough. This was the perfect opportunity to mess with his new master.

It was high time to knock Gabriel Agreste off of his high horse. Hawkmoth had the impression that he was the one in control for far too long, and now he was going to learn just how incorrect that pre-emptive presumption was.

Plagg zoomed in front of Gabriel's face, leaning forward. "Say, Mr. Agreste, riddle me this. How much wood can a woodpecker peck if a woodpecker would peck wood?" he asked in a cryptic manner, baring small fangs as he twirled his left bouncy antenna around using his paw.

"I don't care," Gabriel snapped. "In, now," he demanded.

Plagg shrugged. "Your loss," he said as he followed Nooroo, disappearing into Gabriel's pocket.

There was the sound of a door swinging open. However, the next thing Plagg heard was a familiar voice.

"Father!"

Oh, good golly. It was Adrien. Plagg almost wanted to phase out of his hiding spot and unveil Gabriel as Hawkmoth, but he was stopped both by the spell that binded him to Gabriel's rules and the fact that he _really_ didn't want to traumatize Adrien. The boy was fragile enough as it was.

"Ah, Adrien." Plagg had to clench his jaw shut when he heard Gabriel reverting back to that oh-so-annoying indifferent tone which he always used to speak with Adrien. "How is everything today?"

"Not good, Father." Even from his hiding spot, Plagg could hear the dejectedness in Adrien's voice. No doubt it was because he lost his Miraculous. "I had a bad day. I just came to ask if maybe I can take a day or two off to recuperate—"

"Out of the question, Adrien! You will not break schedule!"

Plagg snarled when he heard Gabriel sharply interject Adrien before he could even finish his suggestion. Goddamned bastard.

"B-But…" His former chosen's voice sounded twice as glum now. "I'm really not feeling too good…"

Plagg could hear Gabriel sharply inhaling. "A model must not let extenuating circumstances affect them. If you choose to not follow your schedule just because of a bad day, then it's negative reinforcement and you'll find yourself making more excuses to deviate in future! I disallow it!"

"Plagg? Plagg!?" he heard Nooroo whisper, "Are you alright?"

He let out a breath he hadn't even known he was holding. Turning towards Nooroo, he gave a reply. "I'm fine… I'm fine…" Plagg muttered weakly, though his performance wasn't fooling the other kwami.

This was it. He'd heard enough. He was getting physically sick listening to this man speak with the knowledge that he was Hawkmoth.

Showdown time.

" _I order you not to leave my sight."_

That was what Gabriel had said to him earlier.

Poor choice of words. A _very_ poor choice of words.

Gabriel was going to learn the hard way that unlike Tikki or Wayzz, he wasn't a stickler for the rules, especially when it came to the stupid and nonsensical ones.

He was a cat, after all. Cats dabbled in mischief and mayhem, and Plagg was no exception.

_How much wood can a woodpecker peck if a woodpecker would peck wood?_

He had known that Gabriel would not know what he was driving at with the tongue twister. The question was a rhetorical one — asking how much wood a hardworking woodpecker, an avian species whom Tikki had designed to bore holes in trees, would peck if given the chance to peck a tree trunk.

Well, replace the woodpecker with himself, wood with Gabriel Agreste, and the stage was set. And yes, he was definitely going to peck a lot of holes in the bark of his little trunk.

"Gahhh!"

Still hidden within Gabriel's suit, Plagg sunk his fangs into the man's skin unabatedly, relishing the winces and howls of pain coming from Gabriel as he bit into him — the sound feeling like music to his ears.

Sweet, sweet cathartic revenge. He deserved every last bit of it, too.

"Father!"

Adrien's panicked yelp caused Plagg to accidentally dislodge from the puncture wound. Heck, Gabriel must look like a total wreck. Plagg had felt pressure on the outside of the jacket, so Gabriel must have been clutching his chest area near where he was biting in a bid to pry him off.

Geez, it must have looked like he was suffering a heart attack.

Plagg scampered down Gabriel's attire and began biting near his torso for his second attack, the cat rewarded with yet another shrill cry from the man.

"Yaarrggghhh!"

"Father!" Adrien's voice was now filled with concern and worry. "Are you okay?"

"Ad-Adrien," Gabriel managed to splutter, his voice raspy. "Leave the room… now!"

Though he couldn't see Adrien under Gabriel's suit, Plagg could almost visualize the bewilderment that must be going through his mind at that unusual request. Unless they were delirious, most people in such a state would request for assistance, not chase their help away.

"Are you sure—" Adrien started, only to flinch back when his father stomped his foot on the ground.

"Now!" Gabriel roared.

Plagg could discern the pitter-patter of flurried footsteps, the sound of a door slamming, and the click of a lock. Knowing that the jig was up, he let go of Gabriel and phased out of the man's suit and out into the studio.

Now coming face-to-face with Gabriel Agreste, Plagg had to physically hold his mouth shut to avoid bursting into laughter.

Gabriel had torn off his jacket the instant that Plagg unlatched himself and flung it onto the floor. A dizzy Nooroo stumbled out of the strewn suit, but Gabriel paid his kwami no heed. He tentatively used two fingers to palpate the area where Plagg had wounded him, before gently lifting his shirt and seeing the wounds for his own two eyes.

"You… you little…" Gabriel took in a deep breath, his eyes seeing red as he saw the little fang marks on his chest and torso, the puncture wound so deep that it actually drew pinpricks of blood where Plagg had bit him, "…s-scamp!" he finally managed to spit out.

Hearing the insult, Plagg simply laughed harder at Gabriel, grabbing hold of his belly and cackling like an unrestrained maniac while he rolled about in midair. "What?" he blurted out, indignant. "I did exactly as you asked me to — _stay close to you._ "

His lips curled into a malicious smile when he saw the dawning comprehension on Gabriel's face. Plagg thus took the opportunity to dismissively perform an aerial somersault mid-air, the flourish akin to that of a magician who'd enraptured his audience. "It's just a shame that I am a needy cat who vies for attention…" he exclaimed, dramatically raising a paw up to the ceiling. "Those fang marks are just my way of marking my territory. But hey, at least I didn't bring out the claws this time."

Plagg actually had significant trouble maintaining a straight face throughout his speech. By the final statement, he didn't even try. "See… I care for you, _master_!" The term of endearment was laced with so much sarcasm that even the normally stoic Nooroo had to stifle a giggle.

Gabriel shot daggers at the unabashed Plagg. The cat simply looked him dead in the eye and stared back, winking cheekily at his new master.

This game of wits between them wasn't over. In fact, it was only just beginning.

There would be more to come.

Much, much more.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

I received a comment on AO3 by _Book_Squirrel_ who said that Plagg vs. Gabriel is the showdown that we deserve but will likely never properly see. And after writing this chapter, I'm inclined to agree…

In case you can't tell by now, I love penning down characters who are whimsical and sarcastic like Plagg — _Deadpan Snarkers_ are my forte in fics.

'Sandboy' reveals that the Miraculous holders have significant sway over their kwami, so despite what one might think, Plagg actually has to put in some work in order to successfully exploit, troll, and possibly usurp his new master. But honestly, is Plagg going to let that hinder him from messing with Gabriel? Ha… _no_.


	3. At Arm's Length

**This chapter—as well as the following one—is dedicated to a comment made by _Draxynnic_ , who rather cruelly (for Gabriel's sake) pointed out that the most diabolical thing which Plagg could have done is for the kwami to take Gabriel's order of always being in his sight as literally as possible.**

… **so now it's a thing. Poor Gabriel. Little warning, there's a bit of dirty humor in this chapter. That being said, Gabriel gets mentally tortured. So really, it all balances out.**

* * *

**Chapter 3: At Arm's Length**

The war had just begun.

Actually, scratch that. This game of wits had started the very moment that Gabriel decided to be petty and use Nooroo for his own gain, fueled by the vigor to become Paris' feared Hawkmoth by using the Butterfly Miraculous because of what Plagg could only assume must be some ridiculously petty—and quite possibly moronic—reason.

So really, this feud for the Miraculous has been ongoing for quite some time now. It just so happened that Plagg happened to conveniently get involved at this point.

Surely Gabriel knew that the jet-black kwami was against him, right? The man couldn't possibly be daft enough to believe that Plagg could be quashed by words and orders alone.

Well, if he was still in a state of denial, Plagg decided that Gabriel would be in for a rude awakening. A _very_ rude awakening. Maybe Nooroo might have been meek and submissive, but Plagg was resolute that he, on the other hand, would fight tooth and nail to make things as tedious as possible for Gabriel.

Plagg violently refused to submit and go down without an ensuing bloodbath — he would answer to no one but himself. He was the Kwami of Destruction! Causing mayhem and anarchy was _his_ forte! A mere mortal like Gabriel Agreste would _not_ get the better of the great and almighty Plagg!

After the kwami's epic prank and the ensuing stare down in the studio room, Gabriel had summarily retreated to his bedroom. Plagg remained unabashed as he followed Gabriel, the kwami remaining staunchly proud of his mischievous actions. He made sure to show it by flashing a triumphant grin and never wiping the resulting smile from his face.

"You know, Mr. Agreste… if you want me around so much, then allow me the pleasure of being by your side always."

Plagg made sure to make that statement sound as awkward as he possibly could—using the same slick tone that he would use to direct cheesy pickup lines towards Tikki for the sole purpose of messing with her—and was promptly rewarded for it as Gabriel let out a displeased groan, Nooroo bearing witness to the chaos from behind the two. The poor mauve-colored kwami wisely stayed back, uncertain of whether he should traitorously cheer Plagg's trolling on or play it safe and remain impartially silent.

Gabriel slumped onto the queen-sized bed, diving into a pillow as he suppressed the urge to scream. Loudly. "Get lost, Plagg," he moaned, swatting the kwami away as he smothered his head against the smooth down pillow.

Plagg smirked, observing that Gabriel had actually bothered to remember the kwami's name after his fangs had successfully defaced the man's torso. It appeared that _'Operation: Annoy Gabriel'_ was thriving quite well. "But I can't do that, Mr. Agreste," he purred, malevolence shining through his glistening emerald eyes as he replied to Gabriel. "Because y'know, ya ordered me to always remain by your side."

Gabriel rolled over and covered both his ears with his hands, sucking in a large gulp of oxygen. It didn't take a genius to comprehend that Plagg's ironic echo was clearly getting to him.

With a swift motion, Plagg pitched forward and rubbed himself against the collar of Gabriel's suit. "Come on, Mr. Agreste. I unabashedly admit that I am but a clingy feline. So allow me to show you affection!" he whined, snuggling up to Gabriel in a manner which was not too dissimilar to that of an actual cat. In fact, Gabriel would have actually bought the act had he not spotted the twinkle of mischief in Plagg's eyes.

Gabriel jumped off the bed, putting distance between himself and Plagg. "Don't you know the meaning of personal space, you pest?" he seethed.

"Hah!" Plagg enunciated the single word as he cackled wildly, his head lolling in laughter. "Personal space?" the black kwami quipped as though what he was saying happened to be an outlandish concept, one which almost seemed as absurd to him as undertaking a dairy-free diet. "Whatever might that be, I ponder?" he mocked, laughing inwardly when he saw Gabriel's distraught face.

"I value my personal space." Gabriel unhooked his necktie from his collar and used the candycane-colored fabric to wipe his brow. "No one can intrude on me when I'm in the zone."

Plagg bristled, feeling his fur stand on end as he perceived those words and their implicit meaning. "Not even… your own son?" he asked slowly, fighting with his own instincts as the cat struggled to remain calm. Reacting drastically or doing something like scratching Gabriel again would give away his unease regarding the topic, and the last thing that Plagg wanted to do was give this guy any ammunition or leeway.

Gabriel winced slightly at the blunt query, but carefully kept any of his inner thoughts from showing on his face. "Not at all," he answered without emoting.

Plagg remained quiet after that, the kwami appearing briefly troubled. There was a crushing silence which permeated the room's atmosphere before he next spoke. "Mr. Agreste, is that your… final answer?" He twiddled his paws together, looking at the man nervously for once.

It was almost as if he was afraid of the response that he was going to receive.

"Yes."

A flicker of annoyance crossed Plagg's face, but as quickly as it appeared, it vanished. "So be it, Mr. Agreste." The cat sharply inhaled before narrowing his eyes. "I'll make you eat those words."

Gabriel doggedly ignored the kwami and set about doing his work. He thought nothing of it, dismissing it as yet another empty threat. After all, _he_ was the one who held all of the power, not that tenaciously stubborn kwami.

Plagg could resist all he wanted for the moment, but Gabriel knew that sooner or later, he would be able to crush whatever remnants of resistance Plagg had left within him.

As a result, everything was all fine and dandy for Gabriel until he had to use the washroom.

Gabriel strolled out of his bedroom and made his way over, but soon felt his brow twitching when he saw Plagg nonchalantly floating beside him as he was about to enter.

"What do you think you're doing?" Gabriel's words to Plagg were calm, but there was a hint of frustration in them.

Plagg bared his fangs at the man, the kwami pretending to look disinterested by glancing down at his paws. "I'm following you in, duh. I can't leave your side, remember?" he repeated to Gabriel in an ironic echo, tapping his forehead with a deadpan look.

Gabriel simply stared at the kwami, feeling a migraine beginning to loom. "Give me a moment and wait outside," he stressed, quickly losing his patience. "I am not having a kwami watch me do my personal business in the washroom." The sentence was muttered eloquently… as eloquently as one could without one questioning their sanity on why such words should ever be used together in a single sentence, sarcastic or not.

"Well, too bad." Plagg stuck his tongue out, clearly enjoying the mental torment he was inflicting on Gabriel. "Orders are orders." His smile grew even wider, if that was even possible. "Of course, if you're willing to take back that rule about me constantly being around you…"

"Never." Gabriel gnashed his teeth together, immediately shooting down the suggestion before Plagg could finish. With a sense of dread, he was beginning to see that his new kwami had pitted him in a battle of sheer willpower.

To hell with mortification. This was for Emilie's sake. This was for his wife. This was for his son. He and Emilie and Adrien will finally be together if it meant tolerating this utter troll of a kwami for just a little while longer.

Just a little longer.

Almost as if Plagg could tell that he was searching for his own inner resolve to surmount this obstacle, the kwami had a taunting expression on his snarky little face. His emerald green eyes screamed, _"Do it. I dare you."_

Gabriel remained undaunted. Even if it meant having the literal lord of destruction awkwardly watch him taking a dump while he was at his most vulnerable state, he would merely take it in stride. It was just another price for him to pay. He would not falter at this late juncture. He was _this_ close to getting his wish — having to deal with Plagg was but a necessary sacrifice.

That was what Gabriel told himself as he calmly strode into the toilet, firmly pushing down his chagrin and reluctance. He felt courageous and strong. Nobody could stop him from accomplishing his goal!

At least, that was until he actually sat down on the toilet seat. Taking that as his cue, Plagg started to snicker as he hovered in front of the man, and the worst part was that he adamantly Would. Not. Stop.

"Hehehehehehee!" Plagg was hollering now, relishing the moment as Gabriel began to cringe. "Feeling embarrassed yet? Oh, I bet that the press will have a field day with this one, Mr. Agreste." His eyes gleamed as held his paws apart, pantomiming the action of reading the daily papers if said newspapers were kwami-sized. "Can you imagine it? Because I can certainly see the headlines now! Ah, how about ' _Famous Fashion Designer Gets—_ '"

"Shut your trap before I rip your tongue out!" Gabriel squeaked, raising his voice to that of a yell in a bid to stop the kwami from talking any further and turning him into a literal tomato.

Fat lot of good it did him though. Plagg simply switched from directly mocking the situation to sniggering at it — which was arguably worse because the tiny cat happened to have the most annoying rambunctious laugh _ever_.

The man was feeling his willpower slowly ebbing away as Plagg continued to laugh at his predicament. Mercifully, Nooroo was tucked within his suit and couldn't see a thing, but the man knew that the kwami could still hear the ensuing exchange.

Nooroo trying his best to restrain his muffled laughter from within his coat only irked Gabriel further.

He almost wanted to order Plagg to zip it, knowing that the magic of the Miraculous would take it literally, but at the same time he was terrified that doing that would backfire on him. At least now the rowdy kwami was only pestering him with words. If he ordered Plagg to halt with the verbal abuse, Plagg would only come up with something else, and frankly he was terrified of what kind of things the cat could physically do in the washroom.

Worse, Gabriel was almost one-hundred percent certain that his sneaky kwami knew this. Despite Plagg's unremarkable outward appearance while he taunted Gabriel, there was some part of Plagg, such as his slightly hunched posture, which made it seem like the kwami was actively restraining himself.

It was an unspoken threat — _'keep me from talking and see what I'll do to you.'_

And boy, could Gabriel already imagine what Plagg could do if he was riled up.

Stealing his garments and making a dash for it… or worse, destroying them? Getting so up close and personal to him while he was vulnerable that it would warrant a legitimate restraining order? Flinging fecal matter everywhere?

He would take verbal mortification in a heartbeat over any of… _that_. Gabriel had seen the shrewd kwami in action after he'd made Plagg hide during the incident with Adrien earlier in the day and thus wanted no part of this.

Plus, he shared the mansion with Nathalie, Adrien, and his bodyguard. He had no intention of ever explaining any one of those above scenarios to them.

He could imagine it now. _"Adrien, this is not what you think," he would say in a controlled voice to disguise his panic, "the bathroom is brown because we intend to change the wallpaper to celebrate autumn."_

"Oh, seriously! What is wrong with you, Mr. Agreste?"

Plagg furrowed a brow, catlike curiosity bursting on his facial features when he noted that Gabriel had been staring off into space. Not knowing that Gabriel was contemplating the worst-case scenarios, he barreled on, "You're always so calm whenever you're indirectly taunting Ladybug and Chat Noir as Hawkmoth, and so dead and emotionless when talking as Mr. Agreste. But now, with just a mere article of clothing short, you're acting like a toddler on their first day of preschool."

A feral grin lit up Plagg's face as he casually twirled an antenna, flitting closer to the man. "Besides, there's no need to get feisty. I've worked with multiple Chat Noirs and have seen it all before. And seriously, they all react to this in the exact same way that you do. Peh, humans," he waved a paw in a circular motion, "You're all just the same…"

As Plagg droned on and on about human mortification, Gabriel started praying for the ground below the washroom to swallow him whole. Anything was better than listening to Chat Noir's kwami casually explaining human anatomy to him in a non-ironic, completely serious manner.

His new kwami's lesson was unbelievably bad. Like, it was so bad that if Plagg happened to be a lecturer at Françoise Dupont, the kwami would have been fired within a week.

Actually, no. Within a _day_.

"According to some cultures, being without clothes is a sign of purity!" Plagg raised his paw to the ceiling, before dramatically pushing down on the flush valve as Gabriel squirmed in discomfort. "We cats shed our fur all the time and you don't see us complaining about it. After all," he paused, his ears twitching as he delivered a subliminal message to his master, "it is what is on the inside that counts, not the outside…"

Gabriel perked up at the sudden change of tone. In that exact moment, Gabriel completely forgot that Plagg was supposed to be instigating him. He swore that Plagg had dropped his mischievous demeanor completely for a second. The cat appeared solemn, his eyes shining a dazzling green that seemed to pierce into his very soul.

But right as the thought of something being amiss crossed his mind, it was blown sky-high by Plagg's next words.

"But then again, you humans always do that disgusting kissy-wissy stuff." Plagg snorted, shaking his head despondently as he let out an annoyed whine. "Ugh, you humans and your hormones and whatever. I guess that's the real reason you lot wear clothes and stuff. Feh! No wonder all you humans value your privacy so much," he murmured, winking in a knowing manner before he cackled. "I mean, who knows what y'all do behind closed doors?"

Gabriel choked on his saliva, futilely clamping his hands over his ears and trying in vain to shut out Plagg's horrifying words as he curled in on himself and sank lower into the toilet seat.

_I did NOT sign up for a lesson on the birds and the bees taught by Chat Noir's bloody kwami!_

Nooroo was chuckling audibly now, which made Gabriel seriously reconsider not ordering Plagg to stop talking earlier. He had thought that Plagg trying to mess with him with a practical joke would be much worse than if the cat were to use his words. Quite evidently, mistakes were made, because it didn't make much of a difference.

The worst part of it all was that his stomach told him that he was definitely constipated, which meant that he was going to be stuck here on this toilet bowl for quite some time. One did not know what agony was until they were stuck with a shameless kwami prattling on in a manner which led to them taking a round trip to embarrassment land and back, all expenses paid for by a roguish kwami named Plagg.

As his face glowed a shade of crimson red which could legitimately rival the color of Ladybug's suit, Gabriel made a mental note to himself that the impish Plagg was virtually incapable of shame. The tiny brat had absolutely no limits whatsoever, and that was _dangerous_.

The second mental note Gabriel made to himself was to ensure that Nathalie would purchase and stock up on antacids so that he would never, ever, _ever_ have to go through this mental scarring ever again.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

So yeah, Plagg is a little shit. It's even a tag on AO3. Seriously, this knowledge should not be anything new.

This chapter might be a little too squicky compared to what I usually write, but this was seriously my first thought when the pitfalls of Plagg being glued to Gabriel's side was brought to my humble attention. Next chapter will build more on this "exactly how close is too close?" concept.


	4. Coffee, Mr. Agreste?

**Again, the general idea of this chapter came from a comment by _Draxynnic_.**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Coffee, Mr. Agreste?**

Tensions were brewing sky-high in the Agreste Mansion, and it was all the fault of one tiny black cat.

Needless to say, the Kwami of Destruction certainly knew about his dastardly wide range of influence in spite of his relatively minuscule size, and the brash little scamp wasted no time in taking full advantage of that fact. The downright vicious smirk which he had on his face was just the icing on the cake.

"How are you doing, Mr. Agreste?" While those words would normally imply concern, the query instead came off as a verbal jab when they were exhaled from the gaping jaw of the roguish Plagg.

Gabriel found himself positively seething when he heard the seemingly innocuous query, the designer clenching his fists until his knuckles were practically as white as his suit. That Plagg had the gall to ask him about how he was doing when the cat had probably led to quite a few strands of his platinum-blond hair graying out in the span of a few hours?

Oh, hell no. He wasn't going to be blindsided by the rogue kwami. Not after the two horrific stunts that Plagg had pulled on him earlier.

Despite his growing exhaustion while he strolled over to his bedroom, Gabriel kept his guard up, as sharp and alert as he could possibly be after a long and tiring day. He would not lose this battle of endurance between them. He had to win against Plagg eventually… he needed to!

He had both the Kwami of Destruction  _and_  the Black Cat Miraculous right in the palm of his hands! Never before had he been closer to his goal of having his family back after that disaster in Tibet… of having  _Emilie_  back! He would not have that defiant cat ruin everything that he'd worked for when victory was this close to being in his grasp!

Rather unfortunately for Gabriel, a dissatisfied Plagg was just as determined and resolved to screw with his master for reasons of his own.

Nightfall had taken forever to come. After the mortifying experience that he had been forced to suffer while in the washroom—an experience which had cumulated in him rinsing his face with copious amounts of water just to get those ghastly images out of his tainted mind—Gabriel was very much looking forward to having a long rest. Placing his glasses by the dress drawer by the side of his bed and lying down on the comforter, he prepared to sleep off the remainder of this terrible day in hopes of a brighter tomorrow.

…and then Plagg had to open his smarmy mouth.

"Are you always this rude to your potential business partners, or are you singling me out just because I'm a kwami?" Plagg asked while impatiently tapping his foot mid-air, before impertinently glaring at Gabriel when he got zilch response after a few seconds. "Hey! I'm still waiting for an answer, you know?"

Gabriel could feel an enlarged vein bulging on his temple. "I am going to sleep," he answered curtly. "I do not have the time nor the patience to deal with you right now."

Only when he saw Plagg's lips curl into a smirk did Gabriel realize his terrible mistake.

"So you expect  _me_  to do the prudent thing?"

After hearing the kwami say it in such a condescending manner, Gabriel was forced to admit that it did sound ridiculous. Nonetheless, Plagg let himself lay back in mid-air, raising a paw to the ceiling and shaking it about as though he was actively considering the suggestion.

The front lasted a full three seconds.

"Ahahaha! Oh, that's rich!" Plagg gesticulated wildly, zipping about in an erratic fashion as he laughed. "That'll only happen in your most unrealistic of dreams, Mr. Agreste!"

Nooroo could only offer his master a brief flash of pity.

On the other hand, Gabriel looked ready to snap.

"Calm down, Mr. Agreste," Plagg dismissively waved at the man. "Your face looks about as red as your dumb necktie. Any more and you would be able to melt precious, scrumptious c-cheese on it. Bleh!" the kwami stuck his tongue out in disgust. "That would be such a complete waste of cheese…"

It was at this exact point where Gabriel lost his cool.

* * *

"Breathe, master," Nooroo advised, waving his tiny little arms in front of Gabriel's dilated eyes as his owner lay face-down on the queen-sized bed. "Breathe."

Instead of taking the helpful advice, Gabriel found himself hyperventilating when he heard the other kwami snort. "Mr. Agreste is already breathing, Nooroo." Plagg paused derisively, mulling over his words for a moment before adding, "As much as I would like him to drop dead right here and now."

If Gabriel wasn't pushed to the point of exhaustion, he had no doubt in his capability to shut Plagg's defiant attitude down with a few choice words of his own. Instead, he merely resorted to turning away and tightly squeezing his pillow over his ear to drown out the unwanted noise.

"Trying to catch a snooze?"

Gabriel knew better than to answer Plagg this time, knowing full well that Plagg was trying to get a rise out of him.

However, Plagg was undaunted by the lack of a response, continuing to insistently press the matter. "Having trouble sleeping?" He grinned maniacally, his eyes glinting as he stared at Gabriel. "Do you want a bedtime lullaby, perhaps?"

Gabriel remained silent, despite how much the insinuation of having a children's lullaby sung to him insulted him. But maybe if he kept quiet, Plagg would finally let him be—

"I'll take that as a 'yes', then."

…then again, maybe not.

"Aha! I've got it! I'll serenade you with a magnificent ode to Ca—" Plagg suddenly stopped mid-sentence, cutting himself off with widened eyes as he slapped a paw over his mouth. It was so abrupt that even a distracted Gabriel could notice that something was off.

There was no way that Plagg would admit to Gabriel  _why_  he stopped his train of thought, however. He refused to divulge that he was upset because he couldn't recite a full-length poem consisting of approximately 10,000 stanzas, an epic centered around his precious Camembert which deserved an audience, willing or otherwise.

For shame.

Ever since he had fallen under Hawkmoth's power, Plagg had carefully kept up a perfect façade of sovereignty, adamantly trying to retain some degree of freedom. But to succeed, he could not afford to show a single sign of weakness to Gabriel, as the wielder of the Miraculous still had full autonomous control over the kwami.

But since whoever controlled the food supply invariably controlled them, Plagg knew that he wouldn't be able to resist the delectable delicacy should the temptation of Camembert strike him. A stomach was the way to a kwami's heart, and he had no room in his blackened, closed-off heart for a miserable flea like Gabriel Agreste.

And thus he had elected—very begrudgingly—to covertly cover up exactly what food he relished.

While he did slip up earlier and reveal that it was cheese when he had been arduously taunting his master with fervor, knowing Gabriel, the man wouldn't associate Camembert cheese with him. He'd probably buy something cheap and mass-produced like cheddar, which had significantly less swaying power over him. Processed cheese didn't even reek!

That, or Gabriel would be too tired to remember that minor detail. Hopefully the latter.

"Never mind. I've ran out of tunes," Plagg dismissively waved a paw, casually playing off the change of topic before Gabriel could make a comment. "I suppose you'll have to make do with a story. For the sake of brevity, I'll try and keep things short for you, okay?" he said as he winked, the kwami's shoulders drooping as he sauntered over to Gabriel.

Gabriel didn't trust that wink. Not at all. If he'd learnt anything in the past couple of hours, it was to never take anything that Plagg said at face value, as the cat kwami was even more slippery than a conman in a seedy district.

"Short?" Gabriel snorted as if what Plagg had just told him was a joke — and chances were, it actually  _was_. "Are you going to recite the works of Shakespeare to me next, perhaps?" he seethed, trying to pre-empt the kwami before he got any more ideas to mess with him. At least this way he would be able to rob Plagg of any enjoyment that he could potentially garner from his persistent resistance.

"I was thinking more along the lines of  _The Count of Monte Cristo_." Plagg gleefully rubbed his paws together, swinging his tail about as he turned the conversation back onto Gabriel. "Ever heard of it, Mr. Agreste? Classic French literature, that one. If you must know, it tells a gripping tale that spans over a thousand pages about a wronged man quietly plotting to seek his revenge," he elaborated before letting out an exhausted yawn, covering his ajar mouth with a paw right before Gabriel yawned himself.

"Ugh… if only it wasn't such a bore! It takes  _ages_  to get to the good part when he uses his newfound power to destroy the people who had ruined his life by locking him away for the sake of power, greed, and material gains."

Gabriel got the subliminal message in Plagg's words. It was no secret that the cat kwami in his possession felt ten times more wronged and vengeful about being subservient to him compared to Nooroo. "I think I'll pass on that," he dismissed. The last thing Gabriel wanted was for Plagg to recite the entirety of the classic novella to him. He knew better than to test the cat after witnessing the kwami's previous antics firsthand.

"I'm deeply offended, Mr. Agreste! You don't want to hear me narrate?" Plagg dramatically faux-gasped at the denial, the cat sneakily hiding behind a mask of false idiocy. Sarcasm was practically his refuge, and he had no shortage of it — it was just as plentiful as his stockpile of stealth insults that he regularly fired at Gabriel on a whim whenever he felt like it.

"As if I want to be tortured by you."

"Torture?" Plagg scoffed, enunciating the word with an uncharacteristically serious look on his face. "Mr. Agreste, you must be kidding. This is  _nothing_  compared to what I'm capable of. You haven't seen true terror yet…" the kwami warned, his voice freezing up to detail exactly how deathly serious he was.

Though Gabriel kept his face level, he had to quash the inner worry within him. He had little doubt in his mind that Plagg was being truthful about that claim.

"So, how about that story, then?" Plagg's venomous tone had completely dissipated with this new question, and all that was left was a look of bemusement, firmly etched on his face.

Gabriel groaned and squeezed his eyes shut right as Plagg launched himself into a tale of contemporary France taking place post-Napoleonic Wars, the kwami somehow reciting the lengthy prose right off his memory.

"Hey!"

"Yow!" Gabriel shot up when he felt someone tugging on his eyelashes and forcing his eyelids open, blinking his groggy eyes to see a smug black blur hovering directly in front of his face. The enraged designer almost brought the house down with his subsequent howl. "What the hell did you do  _that_  for!?"

Plagg shot his master a vicious grin, slowly shaking his head in amusement. "Don't you remember? You ordered me  _not to leave your sight_." He slowly clapped his paws together, each sarcastic clap serving to highlight the gravity of the words when thrown back to Gabriel in an ironic echo. "And if your eyes are close… that means I'm not within your line of sight!"

Gabriel broke into a cold sweat as he realized the implications.

Sticking his tongue out, Plagg proceeded to cackle malevolently. "So get up! There'll be no sleeping on my watch! Orders are orders, aren't they?" he beamed, jawline stretching from ear to ear.

"Y-you… brat!" Gabriel finally managed to get out when he realized exactly what game his kwami was playing at. He tried to swat at Plagg to drive him away, thrashing his legs as he rapidly tossed and turned around, his eyes trying to escape the kwami's line of sight. But it was to no avail, as Plagg merely flew to where he was turning and continued reciting the story in a dreary voice.

This was definitely going to be a long night.

* * *

"Sleep apnea plaguing you? Just relax. You are merely hallucinating an image of me."

Plagg had stopped his recitation of the classic French novella some time ago, now relying on something other than monotony to completely break his master. In fact, the kwami was so calm that he sounded almost like a hypnotist who was attempting to lull Gabriel to sleep.

He almost succeeded several times. Those times were inevitably followed by Plagg clawing at Gabriel's eyelids and making a ruckus next to his master's ears to rudely thrust him out of his dreams. After all, Plagg's insistence of physically ensuring that Gabriel never lost consciousness was entirely juxtaposed by the fact that the kwami was trying to tempt him to sleep just so he could gain sadistic pleasure at constantly forcing Gabriel's eyes open at the critical moment where he was drifting between reality and unconsciousness.

"And thus, I conclude my study on the effects of sleep deprivation on the average human male," Plagg spoke with a scholarly voice that made him sound like the age he actually was — millions of years old. Needless to say, the derisive tone of his voice did not go very well alongside the shit-eating grin that was on Plagg's face after he had jolted Gabriel awake for what seemed like the umpteenth time.

"Did you know that there are different stages of sleep, Mr. Agreste?" Frankly, Plagg did not know himself until Tikki chose to educate him one day many millennia ago after she had had enough of her counterpart's constant laziness. But really, by this point the black cat opted to spew the knowledge out solely for the sake of trolling. "REM sleep—that's  _random eye movement sleep_ , by the way—is the most important stage of rest. Having too little REM sleep can be  _cat_ -astrophic," Plagg continued nonchalantly, smirking when he saw Gabriel glare at him with bloodshot eyes.

Wa-was that seriously a  _pun_!?

A Gabriel who was increasingly starting to regret his entire existence really lamented that he hadn't asked Nathalie to pick up additional sleeping pills alongside the antacids and constipation pills which he'd requested her get from a nearby pharmacy with utmost urgency earlier in the day.

"But personally…" Plagg drawled, floating cross-legged to Gabriel's side with a callous smirk that never left his face, "…I kinda like you this way. Mopey and drowsy with dark circles under your eyes. A dark persona… rather befitting of someone of your stature, wouldn't you say?"

Green eyes glowing in the dark, the cat then invaded his personal space and got so close to Gabriel's face that inky-black silk fur nuzzled against his nose. "You know, you have a face that I can stare at for all eternity. How fitting considering that I am destined to make visual contact with you forever and forever…"

Perhaps it was Plagg's delivery of the sentence or the close proximity they shared, but that was absolutely, one-hundred percent, the last straw for Gabriel Agreste.

"That was  _not_  what I said! Don't you even try to misconstrue my intentions,  _Plagg_!"

Plagg jolted back, startled by the uncharacteristically harsh hiss that left Gabriel's mouth. Before he could react, the kwami squeaked as he felt the palm of Gabriel's hand wrap tightly around his body, squeezing him as he was placed in a chokehold.

"I'm far too tired to deal with you and your insufferable nonsense." Gabriel managed to say to the kwami that he was doing his best to crush in his grip. As Plagg squirmed, he pried his eyelids as far open as he could, glancing at the clock mounted on the wall. "It's 4:45am right now…"

His breathing grew ragged before he unleashed a shout that echoed around the room and sent Nooroo scurrying. "Need I repeat myself!? It's 4:45am in the godforsaken morning,  _you bloody pest!_  You've kept me up for seven hours, which is far too long!"

Gabriel's brain-to-mouth filter appeared to be completely shut down, considering that this was the first time he'd lost his temper this badly at his new kwami. While Gabriel had been irritated with Plagg's antics prior to this point—no doubt stunned that he actually had someone talking back to him for the first time in his cozy life—this was consequently also the first time that he'd turned physical on Plagg.

Wonderful. This was progress. As a matter of fact, Plagg knew that there was a very good chance that Gabriel was now so sleep deprived that his hazy mind wouldn't be thinking straight.

A hypothesis that was proven right just as it'd flashed through his mind.

"So you intend to play around with my words to this extent? Very well, you blithering inordinate blight. I'll let your insubordination go, just this once. Have it your way! You don't have to be perpetually within my sight!" he proceeded to reword the rule on the spot, "Just stick within a radius of ten meters at all times!"

Plagg could only blink owlishly at Gabriel's snappy response before managing to regain his composure. Exhibiting a triumphant grin, his fangs practically protruded in delight.

"You got it, chief!" Plagg wasted no time in swooping away from Gabriel and finally leaving him to his own devices before the man realized his folly, snickering as he landed on the wooden bedframe and saw his new master practically out like a light the instant there was no vengeful god of destruction keeping him awake.

It was just too bad that he would have a rude awakening when dawn broke in about two hours. Plagg looked forward to hearing his master curse when the sun's rays forced Gabriel awake.

The kwami then frowned, growling as he considered how to make the most out of his newfound freedom tomorrow until a worried voice from the dress drawer snapped him out of his trance.

"What's wrong, Plagg?" Nooroo whimpered. "You're not acting like yourself…"

Plagg let his scowl drop, softening his expression when he sheepishly realized that he had unintentionally kept Nooroo up as well. "C'mon, Nooroo! That's an exaggeration!" he guffawed, playing down his friend's concern. "You know that trouble follows me around wherever I go!"

Nooroo wasn't one to be fooled, however. "Not true! You didn't ask for a nibble of Camembert throughout the entire day!" he indicated, before shrinking back and curling in on himself. "It's just… you're usually so indifferent and nonchalant about everything, but the way you've acting right now isn't like the Plagg I know at all…"

At that observation, Plagg let out a wistful sigh, knowing he had been caught out. "Okay… I admit to having a vested interest in the way that things are going." He let his gaze waver between Nooroo and Gabriel. "But you don't know why, do you?"

A quick shake of Nooroo's head confirmed Plagg's suspicions. "Figures. That putrid stain on society wouldn't even let you roam around the mansion. Of course you wouldn't know…"

Though Nooroo didn't know what Plagg was driving at, he let his despondent eyes fall onto Gabriel's unconscious body. "I know this may sound crazy, Plagg… but please, have some mercy on my master," he pleaded, twiddling his paw nervously before he lay back down to sleep.

The typical emerald green sheen of Plagg's eyes turned a reproachful murky green in a flash as the cat heard Nooroo's plea, causing Nooroo to feel as though they were boring into him… even though he wasn't the target of Plagg's scornful gaze. " _Our_  master, Nooroo…" Plagg corrected a weary Nooroo, taking solace in the fact that the man was finally asleep. "Our master," he repeated while twirling a whisker, still seething inwardly in resentment as he glared viciously at the two Miraculous that were attached onto Gabriel's being.

_"I order you not to leave my sight."_

A sharp piercing sound briefly permeated the air as Plagg's claws cut deeply into the teak frame of the bed where Gabriel slept, the damage a direct consequence of Plagg bitterly recalling the order that Gabriel had forced him to comply with so that the villain could maintain his furtiveness.

Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Gabriel was so deep into his slumber that he remained unperturbed by the acute noise. Nooroo wasn't as heavy a sleeper as his master, and jolted upwards in fright. That was an observation which Plagg found himself letting out a rumbling growl at when he realized that even though Nooroo had just laid down to nap, the other kwami's stance was too alert, too tense, almost as though he was perpetually frightened—

Plagg sucked in a breath, puffing his cheeks out as he held the stale air that permeated the room in his mouth, the kwami vehemently shaking his head as his antennae flopped about. He needed to control his frequent surges of anger, else at the rate that this was going he really  _would_  take out the entirety of Agreste Mansion, consequences be damned.

But the problem was that this time the consequences couldn't be damned, and the biggest one of them all started with a capital A.

Plagg really didn't want Adrien to walk into a smoldering mess and have to explain the 'hey, your father is Hawkmoth' part. He might be cold, reserved, and insensitive—all of which were less-than-desirable traits according to Tikki, who'd always overblown the issue—but the reason he chose to act this way was because of all those centuries of going through the motions. He did know when to listen up and get serious, and this was one of those times.

No matter how angry he was with this turn of events, he needed to maintain his cover for Adrien's—his  _real_  master's—sake. If it wasn't for that and the desire for him to stay to get revenge, he would have blown the whistle from the very moment Adrien was in the same room as his father.

To be fair, there was that other dumb rule Gabriel cooked up which would have prevented that.

" _So, rule number two. You are not to reveal yourself to my son or anyone else who is not cleared by me."_

Plagg looked so livid as he recounted the memory that the mauve butterfly kwami spared a glance at his longtime friend with trepidation in his eyes. Though Plagg had made some progress in having his way, it still wasn't enough for him. While Gabriel had eventually relented to that first stupid rule, he wasn't giving Plagg much breathing room. Not at all.

In a sense, since he was still bound to the Miraculous and now had the added burden of the 'proximity rule' (or as Plagg dubbed it, the why-wont-you-let-me-have-cheese-and-freedom-to-do-whatever-i-want-aka-the-Tikki-kwamisitting rule) to deal with, Plagg couldn't just steal the ring when Gabriel slept and nimbly return to Adrien's side (not that he wanted to when he realized that Hawkmoth was Gabriel). Instead, he was forcibly stuck with dumb Daddy Agreste until the man either relinquished Plagg willingly— _ha, not likely_ —or he had the Miraculous forcefully taken from him.

Which, considering that Hawkmoth was still holding on to the Butterfly Miraculous despite months of Adrien and his pretty girlfriend trying to do just that, wasn't something which was likely to happen anytime soon.

Yep. He was truly and earnestly stuck with daddy doo-doo.

Plagg looked up to the ceiling forlornly. Since this was going to be his new status quo, then he was going to let his new master be in for a world of hurt. Up until this point, the man had had it  _far_  too easy with a submissive kwami like Nooroo.

So what if Gabriel survived for a day with an angry Plagg in his presence? He was just getting  _started_.

The black cat yawned as he floated to Nooroo's side, licking his left paw as he curled himself up into a ball. Plagg had forced himself to stay up, sacrificing his own sleep purely for the sake of annoying Gabriel. That combined with the distinct lack of Camembert filling his belly added up to one cranky cat kwami, who had begun vowing a decree of vengeance.

"Sleep while you still can, you sorry excuse of a parent. I have stilled my tongue regarding your treatment of Adrien for far too long. But now that I can personally interact with you on a daily basis, I will make sure you rue and curse the day that I became your kwami, Gabriel Agreste."

He had opted to break tradition by using the man's full name and title purely for emphasis this time, something which didn't go unnoticed by Nooroo. Nooroo apprehensively glanced at Plagg before gazing back at his—their—master. His expression was a mix between worry and… a small glimmer of cathartic joy.

Plagg smiled when he saw his friend in a better mood. "Go to sleep, Nooroo. I promise you, everything will be okay."

"Go-good night, Plagg," Nooroo murmured. "Thank you…"

Meanwhile, Gabriel mercifully slept, unaware of his kwami deviously plotting as said kwami lumbered in a ball by his new master's side. Cackling darkly, the black cat continued to sharpen his claws against the bed frame under him as he gazed upon his slumbering master with vengeful emerald ones before he finally let his own exhaustion take him.

But before he slept, he made one last oath.

"Mark my words… I swear upon the Great Guardian that I will make your life  _a living hell!_ "

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Amusingly, I wrote part of this chapter while sleep-deprived. Yeah, it really messes with your head. I'm attending my first year at university now, but I won't give this story up — it's just too funny to.

Also,  _The Count of Monte Cristo_  by Alexander Dumas is a genuinely gripping revenge story. It's fallen into the public domain, but be prepared to spend ages finishing it if you do pick it up.


End file.
